Tuesday, December 20, 2005

WTF of the month

And ugly girls are great for a party!

That is, according to Curtis Sittenfiled, author of "Prep," visionary (albeit, they're ugly visions), and brunette and educated menace to attracive society.

"...I'd never dislike a beautiful woman on sight -- I always try to give her the benefit of the doubt and imagine that she has the personality of a nonbeautiful woman."

I just read an article in the April 2005 Allure (while i was searching for a "Got Milk" ad for our mag) wherein Curtis "Roman Nose" Sittenfeld, rather than getting over it, decides that because when she was 14, she was ugly , and hence way more awesome than those who were not beaten with the ugly/Count Chocula nose stick.

The thesis of the article is: if you were ever beautiful without having to suffer being ugly(especially when you were a teenager), I do not want to hang out with you.

Calling all once-ugly, now marginally pretty girls who have yet to get over your ugly past! We want you, and your neuroses, at our next party!

Who doesn't love a girl who's constantly haunted by the shadows of her former bad-skinned and tooth-braced self? I know I just loooove that girl.

Curtis talks about how she loooooves hanging around people who are constantly compensating for their ugly days, but essentially states and non-states that, "Converseley...conventionally beautiful girls and women are, as often as not, kind of bland.

Here's why: because they can be."

*As often as not. +1+(-1) = 0, by the way.*

Ok, fine.
I won't contest that hey, girls who have been pretty all their lives are probably going to be more boring because they are pretty, and don't have to get people - who would otherwise not want to be seen with them - to pay them some attention.

Nor will I contest that I, too, had a creepy mop-head, braces, and unplucked eyebrows moment in time - but only very breifly. As to the after affects of my brief stay inHotel Awkward? Life-defining and personality-enhancing it was NOT.

She makes some good points about teenage plastic surgery - duly noted, Curtis. I too watch Dr. 90210 and hate the girls who get tummy tucks so they can fit into the latest Juicy denim, and think, cello, what is that mother thinking.

All that being said, havn't we ladies seeme to have reached some point today where it's not OK - and not encouraged to such extent, even - to hate on the pretty ones?

Damn you Curtis, you smartie, woodsy girl!

Smart and woodsy are actually quite mutually exclusive. I can attest to this.
Put me in the woods with a Calculus proof.

Smart as I was/am, I didn't want to wear a patagonia jacket in middle school, and I do not want one now, and I would not wish that form-follows-function nightmare on my 13 year old cousin, save on a hike in the woods (when it would be useful).

Though I do wish her intelligence and wit, I would be lying if I did not say I also wish for her ability to creatively coordinate her purse and shoes and to throw together a mean party outfit.

Wearing heels in the woods = really dumb. (unless you're trying to pick up a rakish amateur astronomer a la Jennifer Love Hewitt in the great movie-that-should-be-a-musical, Heartbreakers)
But saying you can't wear heels elsewhere just because you're looking too cute for a 13 year old?
Shut up.
We all have the right to want to look cute.

Mind you, wanting heels are one thing, and wanting tube tops and nose jobs quite another.

Still, now I can't wear makeup, and can't wear heels - and if I do - especially if I like it - I must have no personality.
Thank you, Curtis! So many nights I've gazed lovingly into the mirror wondering why I just don't get Monty Python movies, or existentialism at that.

This sortof revenge of the nerds paradigm shifting is s-t-u-p-i-d.

I know, we'll just tell everyone to just wear fleece robes to everything - class, work, innagural balls - and then everyone will have a great personality.

A great personality is not born of ugliness, nor of the inevitable inferiority complexes that all of Curtis' compensating-in-personality-now-for-lack-of-hottness-then, nor even of going to University- even a really good, diverse and fashionable one.

Disney channel moment: It - your great personality - comes from you. It comes from the people you choose to be around. It's a choice, and I guarantee there are ugly girls who have chosen the rotten personality box.

So, if you happen to wear mascara - that should have no negative impact on your personality.

It will however, when used responsibly ( not to impress some guy, knowingly and willingly objectify yourself, poke your eye out, etc...), have an extremely positive impact on your eyelashes, making them powerfully thicker, longer and more luscious -- it may also prevent party poopers like Curtis Sittenfeld from talking to you.

And for that, THIS shameless mascara-wearer - who also happens to have one bangin' personality - is grateful.

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