Monday, April 03, 2006

Open up a dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find.

I can find some words, though. That's not (never been) the problem.

"Some of us go full circle. Some of us blindly go nowhere. The circle doesn’t have to be very large to make a point, kick your ass and/or be entertaining. Remember that and stay light."

Fare thee well, employment. Hello cliche' existence.
But only for a little while, so no worries - its just a cusp, and finding the balance between not rushing into things blindly and shutting your eyes to the reality of everything is a little pitchy. I don't even know it that's the word for it - b/c I wanted to say pithy, but I know that's not the word. Feel free to mad lib in the correct adjective.

I was trying to get into James Blunt b/c he has dreamy blue eyes, and even bluer British blood (that sounds really creepy now that I've typed it) but he's depressing me. Its ok, Pandora has directed me to another whiny guy singing. Continuing on with my writings would be important now.

I feel that I should mention that I poked an old elementary school buddy of mine on facebook the other day, just b/c I am just that daring. I'm proud to say that he poked me back, and this marks our first communication with each other since we were 11. Breaking news, this is. I'm rather afraid to actually talk to him - I'd rather just remember him for the awesome 11 year old he was, not the negligibly cool 23 year old he may (or may not be) be now. I mean, I was absent from his life for over a you think there was much a chance for him to better himself without me? tcha! Do I even have to say as if? But that's neither here nor there -- what's important is that it's important to act like a 13 year old at least once daily, and I did. Keeps you humble.

I had a dream of peace last night for a friend who stopped talking to me (probably due to snarkiness taken wrong - how do I do it). It was lovely, and, like most of my dreams, a lot like a nancy drew novel. I always thought friends were forever, and I'm very disapointed to find that maybe that's not true sometimes. I'll never believe it though - I much prefer to believe that friends are forever, b/c from where I stand, they are. I also got to spend some more time cavorting backstage somewhere with my penn buddies last night in my dreams. That was nice of my dreams to do that last night.

I'll interrupt this self reflection with some self-reflection. Employment, I feel the call to public service. We should all answer our call, right?
campaign? Senate aide?
law? International business?
I can't help but think I would be a very thoughtful EU expert at some big old company/think tank. Peggy curchack, grrr. (sidenote)
How to be a professional expert lucratively? Professor?
Ms. Shipmann from CURF, you rule. (sidenote) I really really want a fellowship at Cambridge. Is it ok for me to dream at 23 with such a lack of foundation? But I don't lack in foundation - I have a degree, and potential for income.
I want to make sure my motivations are pure (i.e. not tainted by the need for revenge, self-aggrandizement, etc...) but then again, I'm a human, not like, Jesus, so how can my motivations be pure? I'm just tryin' to be good.
In the fountainhead, the people who just try to be good do not get to be successful...its the one with the most integrity to their purpose who achieve their ends, lucratively and successfully.

Obviously - from the opacity of this blog, you may be able to tell that I'm really only using it to clear my mind so I can write about another pair of skull boots and to leave space for me to determine how to change the world by being alive. I'm sortof comforted by the lack of comments, b/c that means no one is reading this, and that this blog is mine. Blogs, what is your deal? You're a good place for me to misplace new vocabulary words, and sieve out my thoughts...but I should do that in my journal, its so much more elegant. Would Sylvia Plath have a blog?

Clearly, testimos (and my sudden compulsion to knit 24 hours a day : we're talking a sweater, 2 scarves, a dress(crochet, admittedly), and what will eventually be a baby blanket) is blocking the clear vision I would like to have to craft a brighter tomorrow for me.
Tomorrow I make a tape to try out for Hairspray the movie. Could be thrilling and most quality things in life, right?

Writing this chapter of my life is proving interesting...but my wise friend Dr. D'Souza tells me to enjoy the journey b/c it is just as important as the end. He's right.

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